2006 - A Personal Retrospective

2006 started out like hell. On January 3rd while I was standing next to Lucy in the ER of Children's Hospital (she had been taken there by ambulance from our pediatrician's office because of extremely low blood pressure, extremely high heart rate and low blood oxygenation) my mom called Alex's cell and told him my grandfather had just died. The experience was (and still is) so surreal that I have a hard time believing it all happened. We knew Grandad was dying and I had been able to say my goodbyes to him. I actually consider myself the lucky one because I had been afforded the great opportunity of spending a ton of time with my grandfather in the last year of his life while he lived with my mom. I got to share my life with him...and my children got to know their great-grandfather. Even now when the kids get a balloon they like to "let it go to great-grandad". That makes my heart smile and break all at once. So the whole family gathered and we remembered and celebrated the life of Jack Roche who lived for 93 wonderful years on this planet. We laughed and cried as we recalled his journey with us and we rejoiced in the knowledge that he was now reunited with his wife and son in Heaven. The first anniversary of his death is coming up fast and I still miss him. I miss his gravely voice calling me sweetheart, I miss the look of pure joy he had when he saw my kids (especially his namesake, Jack), I miss witnessing the very special relationship he had with my mom, and I miss just knowing he was there. Big sigh...

Lucy recovered from her pneumonia and we all survived a bout with the stomach flu just in time for the Steelers to win Super Bowl 40!!! I can't even begin to describe the great feeling it was to watch the city explode with pride and joy during that historic march to the big show. What a ride it was! The month of February also brought the wonderful news of my brother Bill's engagement to Monica. A summer wedding was being planned and the girls would be flower girls! I also got to take a road trip to meet my dear friend Angela. That was one of the highlights of this year for me!

The spring blasted by in an instant - I feel like I lost most of it in a fog of depression/flu/exhaustion. I was struggling to get over the death of my grandfather and it seemed as if I could not get on top of life. I was feeling pretty rotten and really really alone. Not even my relationship to God was a comfort to me at the time - I alternated between being angry at God for what I perceived as the difficulty of my life and just wanting Him to go away and leave me to myself. I no longer wanted to try and be close to God, and yet I didn't run away. I just grew complacent. But God didn't let me go, and I'm so glad.

The summer came and with that God led me to some wonderful ministry among some fantastic young women at our church. Some of it was due to our neighborhood pool and the times I spent there (all summer practically!) and part of it was due to some of them helping me out with the kids. You all know who you are...and I love you a whole lot. Being involved significantly in the lives of people other than my immediate family healed me in some real ways. I began to feel alive again and my desire to know more and more of God grew exponentially. I felt an explosion within my heart when it came to God and that has stayed with me. Annie and Lucy were flower girls in 2 weddings this summer and both of those events brought us great joy. It was nice to be with our extended family again in August for Bill's wedding - nice to be together for a happy occasion.

For the first time I can remember I was actually sorry to see summer go. I enjoyed so much the change of pace from the school year routine and I loved being out and about. But fall was upon me and it was time to dive back into homeschooling and house-stuff. Things have been going really smoothly so far and I'm happy to say that I'm enjoying life now far more that I was at this time last year.

The year has drawn to a close with the news of our great friends Bobby and Susie's engagement...and it's about time!!! I have no idea what 2007 will bring - and I'm trying not to have too many expectations. The most important lesson I learned in 2006 is that I have to embrace myself as I am today and not always live in the "someday". I don't want to waste the now with a whole lot of "someday I will be...". God is present with me now and He loves me just as I am right now. He won't love me more if I change this or that about myself...He can't love me more than He does at this moment. So I want to love me too, just as I am this very moment. Blessings for the new year friends.