Miserable Mama Day

Ick. I hate these days. Days where it seems I fail at every motherhood related task I have. I have to say that being a full time Mama is the hardest thing I have ever done. I love it more than anything else I have ever done...and I've had some jobs that I really loved...but it is so hard sometimes. A friend once said that parenthood is a long term investment and these early years are heavy on the investment end. Not that I'm looking for some sort of intangible "return" on my investment...but sometimes it is hard to go without any recognition at all that I'm doing a good job.

When I was employed outside the home I got feedback on my job. Thankfully most of the time it was overwhelmingly positive feedback (though there were times of negative as well). Now, if I am to listen to the feedback I get some days, I am a miserable Mama. I'm mean because I won't give chocolate cake for breakfast like Daddy does sometimes. I'm not fair because I let the same child sit next to me twice in a row for TV time. (who knew they kept track of that stuff?) I'm a "dummy head" because the right pajamas aren't clean. And the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, I understand that my children operate from their very limited perspective and having the pajamas they want can be very important...that isn't my point.

My point is that I selfishly want more of the cuddly "I love you Mama" moments. I get them (from at least one child everyday) but I want more of them. I want the moments of calm and peace to be more prevalent than the moments of wrestling and chaos. I have chosen not to spank my children. I know this can be a controversial topic...but to be frank, I think spanking is wrong. I cannot fathom a situation in which I would feel justified hitting my child. If my kids would reach for a outlet or a hot stove I would certainly bat their hand away but the thought of hitting my child for a tantrum, or for not listening is abhorrent to me.

Don't get me wrong...I lose my cool with my kids and I yell sometimes. I try not to yell because I got yelled at a lot as a kid and I hated it. But I do yell...some days (like today) more often that I would like to admit. But I have chosen to try and employ a model of gentle discipline with my children...believing that at it's heart discipline is meant to teach not punish. I just don't think kids have the capacity to distinguish the lesson from the punishment and therefore I don't think spanking is an effective tool. When they are older and different consequences come into play then so be it. But for now I try and allow my kids to experience the natural consequences for their actions.

For the most part this really works. Alex and I came up with 6 house rules for our family.

Listen the first time.
Hands are for helping not hurting.
Feet on the floor, not on the furniture.
Treat others as you want to be treated.
Apologize when you have done wrong.
No yelling please.

These rules apply to ALL of us, not just the kids. So when I have a day like today where I find my voice raised a lot, I also find myself apologizing a lot. This way I am forced to model for my kids the way I want them to behave...it's not an us and them thing...it's a we thing. And I'm hopeful when I hear them reminding me of the rules...it's sinking in.

Tonight the girls and I sat in their room after reading bedtime stories and talked about what went wrong today. We apologized to one another and then we held hands a prayed together for God's forgiveness. We also asked God to help us have a better day tomorrow...of course I don't think it could get much worse.

Peace.