Marriage. Marriage in 2007. Marriage in a culture that doesn't do anything to support monogamy, faithfulness, purity or putting family first. How does anyone do it?
In the past few weeks Alex and I have gotten the sad news that several married couples we know are in trouble. Marriages that we have looked up to. Marriages that we thought were strong and solid. Marriages that seemed impenetrable.
I hate the fact that we try and hide our problems...especially in our marriages. We feel that we need to present some perfect image of ourselves when in reality we are wasting away. I know Alex and I have done it in the darker times of our marriage. But I ask you this, what is good about being so secretive (or discrete as people like to say)? My mom used to always tell me "people are only as sick as the secrets they keep". I am beginning to understand that more and more as I get older. It is all about maintaining an image of strength and avoiding the appearance of weakness at all costs. WHY???
The fact is that we are all weak and we are all broken...and we do NOTHING apart from God and His strength. Another fact we may as well get use to is that God gives strength in HIS time...not always when we ask for it. I don't understand why God can't just give us all the strength we need to walk triumphantly through everything life hands us - but I'm beginning to think it is about building community. If we always had the strength to walk through on our own we would never see the value in one another.
As it stands we keep so much to ourselves and we attempt to hide the shattered parts of our lives...and then what do we end up with? A bunch of shattered people who have a very limited capacity to help one another...because asking for help would reveal parts of my brokenness that I can't possibly let you see.
Sometimes I envision God crying out from Heaven and saying "You need each other! Reach out for help...I'm there in the people around you." But we are deaf to His cries because we are so worried about what people will think. All the while God's heart is breaking for us as we isolate ourselves by pretending nothing is wrong.
Well something is wrong...in fact lots of somethings are wrong. We are sad, we are broken, we are sinful, yet we are LOVED. Loved with a deep and abiding love...a love that transcends time and space and circumstance. A love that reaches out to us through people, music, sermons, a smile from a stranger.
We are commanded in Scripture to love one another...and that doesn't mean the warm fuzzy feeling...that means the action of love. Love with hands and feet on it. Love that says "no matter what, I will walk through this with you." Love that won't leave if things have been hard for a long time. Love that endures endless torments. Love that is giving and forgiving...over and over and over again.
I need you. You need me. We need one another. We are the world, we are the children...whoops. But seriously, stop hiding and step into the light of God's grace. Welcome others into your weakness...and maybe you'll find that strength you've been searching for. Peace.
Coming out of a DIFFERENT Dark
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Posted by Beth at 10:20 AM
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8 comments:
Wow, you really hit the nail on the head! I think that sometimes we hide things and don't share because we don't want people to feel sorry for us. But, once you start to share, it is like letting a burden fall, it is like the people you share with are helping you carry it. An amazing feeling!!!
Jon - I actually loved your post and hated to delete it but I don't feel it was right to mention names without the permission of the person involved...and I don't even think you can edit comments here on blogger. So I just deleted it out of respect for the named party.
But I totally resonate with so much of what you said...though what I'm saying isn't so much that I want to be able to ask people the hard questions (though thereare certainly times and relationships for that) but that I want us to be free to be open to one another without the fear of judgement or alienation. I do think there needs to be accountablility but I think I often find that replaced with judgement in the church (universal).
If being too intense (which I read as authentic and caring) is wring then I don't want to be right!!!!
That's fine. It is too bad you weren't able to keep the rest of the text. And also given that the "named party" sent out public letter describing way more details than just his name, I didn't think I was saying all that much by saying I was praying for him.
But, I guess that goes along with the rest of my comment as well.
And actually, now that I think about it, it was just a first name, so I don't think anyone would know who it is, unless they already know who it is.
Jon -
I didn't mean to offend you in any way and I'm sorry if I did. I just didn't mean to single anyone out and as I said in my email there are several couples Alex and I know who are in trouble. I know in the past swome of them have read my blog and I don't think it would be very sensitive of me to leave any names. I know if I were in that situation and I saw my name on someone's blog I would feel strange about that.
I'm just trying to convey my feelings...not talk about any particular situation.
I appreciate your candor and your prayers for the folks in this hard place.
I meant as I said in my blog post , not email. Also I tried to figure out how to edit it but I couldn't. Perhpas you can do it but I guess I'm not that blogger savvy.
No offense taken at all. I have a very low threshold for that sort of thing, so I have to try very hard to think like other people.
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