*Big sigh*
These topics are heavy on my heart right now for a lot of reasons. I cannot imagine the joy we would always find in relationships if sin didn't exist. I long for that joy in some relationships in my life that are broken. But I don't have hope for some of them. Am I wrong in that?
What is necessary for forgiveness? An apology? Some proof that things have changed? Enough time passed for the hurt to heal? Or is it just a willing heart that is led by God to forgive? I just don't know. Of course I do believe that God can enable us to forgive when we could not do it alone but I have been wondering lately if forgiveness and reconciliation always go hand in hand.
Is there wisdom in reconciling a relationship that has been detrimental to you? Should we re-enter a relationship that has been abusive - emotionally, verbally, physically etc. - if there seems to be an earnest change in the abuser? I have to say that I don't think so.
I don't think that forgiveness automatically leads to reconciliation... and I don't think it necessarily should. Forgiveness is important, whether or not it is asked for. Forgiveness is a letting go of the anger, resentment, and bitterness that destroys us, that keeps us from God. Forgiveness is so freaking hard - and I'm not very good at it. Reconciliation is even harder...because it is hard to know which relationship should be reconciled.
My heart is hurting right now and I would love to hear some of your responses to all of this.
Forgiveness...Reconciliation...Repentance...etc
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Posted by Beth at 9:25 AM
Labels: Authentic Life, Life with God
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4 comments:
I can only pass on the thoughts of a friend who was terribly hurt by her husband and obtained a church-sanctioned divorce: Forgiveness is mandatory; reconciliation is not.
Personally, I think reconciliation is mandatory, too -- but not necessarily in this life. As my former pastor used to say (and probably still does), some things won't be fixed this side of heaven.
That's not to say we shouldn't try. It all depends on the situation, and on how much damage could be done if the person slips again. (This last just my own no-qualifications-whatsoever opinion.)
Thanks. I resonate with your sentiments...though I have to confess my heart wants to adopt your friends thoughts. :)
And you know "damage" is so hard to judge. Maybe I could handle the damage at this point in my journey...but I have kids now too and they are bound to be impacted by my decisions on these issues.
Your Pastor is right...broken things in this life are to be expected...another big sigh.
Hi, it's Snoskred here. I've recently become a blogging chick and have set myself a challenge to comment on as many Blogging Chick blogs as I can. So that's why I'm here. ;)
Re the question "Should we re-enter a relationship that has been abusive - emotionally, verbally, physically etc. - if there seems to be an earnest change in the abuser?" I agree with you that the answer is I don't think so. Even if there is an apparent change in the abuser, old dynamics will rear their ugly heads if you re-enter such a relationship.
Forgiveness is something I do for me, it really has nothing to do with the other party. I do it because I have to be able to forgive in order to move on. It is very hard, and in some situations you think you've finally forgiven someone only to find months or years later that there's still more work to be done.
I certainly would not support anyone staying in a relationship where there has been abuse, physical or otherwise. It isn't wise. I walked out on my ex-husband after he slapped me because my Mum always told me - if they hit you, you leave. It was very hard to do it but it was the right thing. My sister was in a relationship where there was no physical abuse, it was all emotional and financial. She stayed for 7 years and it was difficult for all of us as a family but worst of all very hard on her 2 kids. I'm not sure they will ever recover fully from it.
Anyway, I hope something there might be the kind of response you were after. ;)
Snoskred
http://snoskred.blogspot.com/
It's not easy to forgive the really hurtful things others have done. For me, the ONLY way is to 'let go & let God'... I know it is impossible for me to do alone.
As for reconciliation, if the person really has changed and if the person is someone who should be in your life (family or lifelong friend or someone you HAVE to see often)then I think...Why not?
If you truly have let go of the pain & looked for the lessons of it all, forgiven... well, why not give it a go?
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