Basic Instincts

A conversation I had recently has left me thinking more and more about motherhood. At the beginning I was overwhelmed and taken aback by the all encompassing nature of motherhood. I saw everything in a new way. I am actually unable to see the world in the way I saw it before I got pregnant...u-n-a-b-l-e. It's not a process, it's not a journey...it is instantaneous and permanent. I didn't have to work at it or try hard - my world view has been altered and I have no choice. I am powerless against the life force that motherhood is.

My basic instincts have changed. My instincts are now more about my children then about myself. They are these most precious, vulnerable creatures whose innocence and wonder I am called to guard. And guard it I will...against anything that tries to harm it. I will not shelter them from the reality of life - I will walk alongside of them and lead them through it. I will not cloister them away so they never experience the pain that love and loss can bring - I will dry their tears and listen to their words, hoping that they will learn that in the midst of the difficulties they can and should trust others. I will not shield them from the consequences of mistakes by not letting them live - but I will be there to pick up the pieces and help them move on. I will not seek to protect them from the disappointment that can come in relationships - I will soothe their weary souls and direct them to Heaven in prayer to the only One who can mend a broken heart.

I can no longer think of what is best for me in any given situation. I no longer exist as just an individual. I am unique and I have my own identity but as a mother my identity is inextricably linked to the three other identities that were formed in my womb by the Creator. As they grow things will change and that is the good and right design. But for now I am the gatekeeper of their little beings and for that I'm infinitely blessed.