What Would I Say to - ME!

8 Years ago today Alex and I got married. Almost at this time exactly. It was at 3:30 in the afternoon at Bellefield Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh. I have been doing a lot of thinking in the past few days about that day 2920 days ago...and I wondered what I would tell myself if I had the chance to talk to me all that time ago. Here are a few things I came up with:

1. Take to heart what Saleem says during the sermon today - "if you are more concerned with meeting the needs of one another than your own needs then, in turn, your needs will be met" - it's very very true.

2. Right now you think you are a selfless person - but don't be shocked when you confront your own selfishness when you have to share all of you with someone else. (and later when you have kids - well then you'll realize just how selfish you are)

3. Be less stubborn - you'll avoid a lot of conflict if you don't dig your heels in on every issue.

4. When times are tough, personally or as a couple, don't retreat from others. You need the people God has put in your life.

5. Always err on the side of love and grace rather than criticism and blame.

6. Marriage is an adventure - complete with glorious mountain tops and deep lonely valleys - but it is in the everyday that we show our true love for each other. Loving one another in the midst of dishes, laundry, late work meetings, and snotty noses is what it is all about.

7. Remember that the best gift you will give your children is a strong and healthy marriage.

8. Even when you don't feel like it or it is hard to make the time - pray for your husband. He needs it and so do you.


I love being married. I love having someone who is there for ME and only me. I don't have to share him with any other love. He is mine and I am his and there is nothing better. I have never felt closer to anyone and I think that is God's good design. Save Jesus, there is no one else above him in my heart.

So again 8 years later as the clock hits 3:30 I'll say (type!):

I Beth take you Alex to be my husband. And I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful wife...in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

I love you, babe.

Continuing the Conversation

In my 100 Things post (2 below this one) I stated that I loathe the spanking of children. In response a conversation has begun (in the comments) as to the validity of spanking or not spanking from a biblical perspective. It is a good conversation and I would welcome any and all input.

I am an anti-spanking mama. From my research, I do not believe the Bible advocates spanking in any way. I believe Jesus was a gentle soul, a pacifist, who showed special care and attention to children. I find nothing in the words of Christ that would lead me to embrace a parental strategy that includes spanking. Frankly I do not think I could embrace a theology that advocated spanking - it seems counter-intuitive to me.

Many equate non spanking parents with permissive parents. I know this is not the case for me and for many other Christian non spanking parents. I desire for my children to grow up in the knowledge and love of Christ, and to show love and care for the people around them. I seek to teach my children that there are consequences to their actions (some natural and some imposed), I just choose for those consequences not to involve physical punishment. My children have boundaries and rules - in fact we all try to live by a set of rules in our family. We all mess up and we all fall short - and we, as parents, are trying to model for our children what God has modeled for us...extending grace and mercy and forgiveness. Most often I find God's correction to be gentle rather than harsh. I have wandered off and not responded to God's love and authority in my life...and yet He waited, He loved, and He gently called me back to Him.

I respect the rights of others to make parenting choices for their families. This may sound like a cop out but it is not. I will tell anyone who wants to listen my philosophy on discipline and my reasoning behind it. But I am not going to try to shove my way of doing things down another's throat. I will live my life and parent my children and seek to be the mother God has equipped me to be.

Tragedy at Virgina Tech

I don't know anyone (as of yet) who is connected in any way to the tragic situation at Virgina tech and yet I am still profoundly saddened by it. I have thought about it from two different perspectives in the past 24 hours...from the student's perspective - the fear and confusion that must have flooded over them as they heard shots ring out and saw their friends and teachers shot and killed...and from the perspective of the parents whose children attend VT - the horror that must have gone through their minds to realize that their babies were in danger and many of them were hundreds of miles away.

My heart aches and feel heavy within my chest - words of sorrow and comfort come to my lips but seem somehow trite and empty. 32 people are dead and 15 others are injured - and the lives of 26,000 students plus faculty, staff, and families will never be the same. In the span of a few hours, one person impacted so many others with evil and hatred.

What is there to say or do in the face of such evil and hatred? Not a lot. Now is a time for healing, a time for loving, a time for consolation. Now is a time to turn to the only one who can bear this kind of burden, because we surely cannot.

Join me in prayer for all those impacted by this horrible tragedy. Pray for healing and comfort. Pray for those who represent the one true God - Jesus Christ - on the campus...that they will be agents of peace and love. Pray for those who are left with questions too big for any human to answer.

Lord, in Your goodness, have mercy.

100 Things...

My dear friend Liz had this on her blog. She got it from her friend here.

Enjoy.



"I have lived.."

1. in 15 different houses (not including dorms in college) in my 37 years.
2. with the man of my dreams for 7 years, 356 days.
3. in the city and died in the suburbs.
4. for 5 glorious days on Martha's Vineyard...on my honeymoon!
5. with some very big secrets.
6. through my parent's divorce - even though I thought I would die.
7. in the light of God's love.
8. in Maryland, New York, Connecticut and Pennsylvania.
9. in a third story walk up when I was pregnant with my first child!
10. since the 1960's (okay well the very end of 1969 but that was the 60's!).

"I have witnessed..."

1. the beauty of my children's birth.
2. a rainstorm of shooting stars.
3. the tragedy of 9/11.
4. the coming together that tragedy can bring.
5. the powerful moving of God's Holy Spirit.
6. the peaceful death of my Grandmother.
7. my kids doing the "nakey" dance.
8. the power of motherhood.
9. fierce determination of love.
10. everyday miracles.

"I have heard..."

1. my husband say "I do".
2. the beauty of my children's first cry.
3. my inner voice of criticism.
4. my inner voice of love.
5. my babies call me mama.
6. my father tell me he is proud of me.
7. James Taylor in concert close to 10 times.
8. the inaudible call of God in my heart.
9. the Dora the Explorer theme song more times than anyone should.
10. the silence of death.

"I have lost..."

1. my mind on occasion.
2. my keys practically everyday.
3. the same pounds over and over again.
4. my passion for God - more than once.
5. my self confidence.
6. more socks than I can count - what is it with the dryer???
7. my innocence and optimism.
8. my best friend.
9. track of time when blogging!
10. the ability to fake it when I am mad, hurt, angry etc.

"I have found..."

1. God's grace really IS amazing.
2. a child's honesty to be refreshing.
3. that it DOES take a village to raise a child.
4. my passion for God - over and over again.
5. that motherhood is likely the most powerful force in nature.
6. spring after winter is the best gift in the world.
7. that diamonds are really sparkly and nice.
8. that to have a good marriage you must work at it.
9. the world is a seriously messed up place.
10. laughter is often the very best medicine.

"I love..."

1. Jesus - more than I can ever say.
2. my husband - more and more each day.
3. my children - with a love that is stronger than death.
4. my mother - with a grateful heart.
5. being a mother - more than I ever imagined I could.
6. Phish Food ice cream.
7. my engagement and wedding rings.
8. crawling into bed at night.
9. making love.
10. caffeine free diet coke.

"I can..."

1. hang a spoon from my nose and then flip it into my mouth.
2. pop most of my joints out of place and back in again.
3. go from zero to bitch in less than 10 seconds.
4. be the most devoted and loyal friend in the world.
5. teach my kids how to read and write.
6. try and see Jesus in everyone.
7. usually see both sides of a situation.
8. construct a three point argument in my head before the fight has begun.
9. forgive but not forget.
10. love until it hurts and then keep on loving.

"I loathe..."

1. the "isms"...racism, sexism, ageism, and on and on.
2. the ever widening gap between rich and poor.
3. the stigma in being different from the norm.
4. coffee of any flavor - you can dress it up but it still tastes bad.
5. spanking of children.
6. the awful lighting in dressing rooms - can't they work on that?
7. shaving my pits and legs.
8. brussel sprouts - ew.
9. WAR.
10. seeing my children in any kind of pain.


"I hope..."

1. that the war ends soon and that our men and women come home.
2. that we have good choices for the next President.
3. that I can begin to live as a real disciple of Jesus.
4. that my mom lives forever.
5. that my marriage gets better and better and better.
6. that my children grow up to be free thinkers and to love God and themselves.
7. that serving others as a way of life catches on like wildfire.
8. that my friend's post partum depression eases up really soon.
9. that my life will be authentic and inviting.
10. that I still make someone proud.


"I am trying..."

1. to broaden my horizons.
2. to be better at recycling.
3. to raise my children in a gentle and non-punitive environment.
4. to love more freely than I have in the past.
5. to educate my children about the plight of people around the globe.
6. to be a responsible inhabitant of the earth.
7. to be more consistent in prayer.
8. to perfect my pizza crust.
9. to be less judgemental.
10. to knit the perfect hat.

Happy Easter

Jesus Christ Is Risen Today

Jesus Christ is risen today, Alleluia!
Our triumphant holy day, Alleluia!
Who did once, upon the cross, Alleluia!
Suffer to redeem our loss, Alleluia!

Hymns of praise then let us sing, Alleluia!
Unto Christ, our heavenly King, Alleluia!
Who endured the cross and grave, Alleluia!
Sinners to redeem and save, Alleluia!

But the pains which He endured, Alleluia!
Our salvation hath procured, Alleluia!
Now above the sky He’s king, Alleluia!
Where the angels ever sing, Alleluia!

Sing we to our God above, Alleluia!
Praise eternal as His love, Alleluia!
Praise Him, all you heavenly host, Alleluia!
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, Alleluia!

Good Friday

When I Survey The Wondrous Cross

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Living God's Way - Part 2

Have you ever had a week that started out so well and ended in the crapper? A week where though you had high hopes at the beginning you knew it wasn't going to turn out well at all? I have.

But none of my good to bad weeks can compare with the week Jesus had all those years ago...when he began the week entering Jerusalem triumphantly, people bowing to him and treating him like royalty...and ended the week in the grave, paying the price for our sins. Now that is a week that just sucks.

Today is Maundy Thursday the day when we remember Christ's last meal, his last time hanging out with His friends (and enemy), his last moments to teach the men who would carry His message into the world. I feel for the disciples - they had no clue what was about to happen to their lives. Knowing Jesus truly wrecked their lives forever - and I mean that in good and bad ways.

Has knowing Jesus wrecked your life? I ask myself that question often - sort of as a way to measure my levels of being in or of the world. I know we are called to be in the world and not of the world...but sometimes those lines get very blurry to me. I didn't begin a transformational relationship with Jesus until I was 16 and I spent all the years before that being of the world. I allowed the world to shape my views and thoughts and actions. And that is a mighty huge tide to turn. I know God is big and amazing and all of that but so is the power of self and society. It has been a fierce battle sometimes for my allegiance and attention. I so badly want to give it all to God but then there are these voices and vices and they call to me. (not in an audible, I hear voices sort of way)

There are things that I long for that aren't of God...sometimes more than I long for the things that are of God. I mean I want to be wise and compassionate and patient but sometimes I want more to be right and powerful and adored. It's a struggle like none I've ever known - the struggle to constantly die to myself and live for God.

Tonight I will sit in church after partaking in the Eucharist and I will listen and watch as psalms are read and the altar is stripped in preparation for Good Friday. I will remember the accounts of what Jesus did on this night - how he took his closest friends with him to a garden and asked them to keep watch and pray for Him. How he prayed to God that there be some other way to accomplish the goal other than the brutal torture and death he was about to endure. How He came out to find his friends asleep - and how very alone that must have felt. I will sit there as the church grows darker and darker and realize that for a moment the powers of that darkness thought they might win. I will meditate upon the feelings that must have coursed through the fully divine and fully human Jesus - feelings of fear, anger, loneliness and pain. I will ask God to, once again, break my heart with the power of His love - the very love that sent Jesus to Calvary - the very love that has the power to change the world - the very love that has wrecked my life.

Sleepless Night

I pride myself on being a good sleeper. I can sleep anywhere and through anything. I don't usually lose sleep over stress or anxiety. So being awake for much of last night is a mystery to me. I just laid there, eyes wide open, NOT sleeping. So I got up and surfed the web for awhile, contemplated blogging, decided not to, muttered complaints under my breath over the drastic weather change - from 80 one day to 30 the next - and eventually went back to bed. I still couldn't sleep and now my feet were freezing too. So I did what any good wife would do and I woke up my husband!!! Isn't marriage about sharing everything - including insomnia??? We talked, he snored, I tried to bore myself to sleep with talk radio...all to no avail. The clock showed 4:45 now and I knew the morning was coming fast. I was already dreading the day today knowing how tired I would be and the dull but constant ache my head would experience.

Then I fell asleep - and my wonderful husband got up with the kids and let me sleep in until 8:15. So three and a half hours of sleep later I was up to face the day, and not feeling all that thrilled by it. My head aches and the kids are getting away with more than normal because I just don't have it in me to be on top of my mom game this morning.

So what do you do when you experience insomnia? Any tried and true methods of falling back to sleep? I'm hoping this won't continue but if it does I want to be armed with some good solutions.

Smooches all around.