Have you ever had a week that started out so well and ended in the crapper? A week where though you had high hopes at the beginning you knew it wasn't going to turn out well at all? I have.
But none of my good to bad weeks can compare with the week Jesus had all those years ago...when he began the week entering Jerusalem triumphantly, people bowing to him and treating him like royalty...and ended the week in the grave, paying the price for our sins. Now that is a week that just sucks.
Today is Maundy Thursday the day when we remember Christ's last meal, his last time hanging out with His friends (and enemy), his last moments to teach the men who would carry His message into the world. I feel for the disciples - they had no clue what was about to happen to their lives. Knowing Jesus truly wrecked their lives forever - and I mean that in good and bad ways.
Has knowing Jesus wrecked your life? I ask myself that question often - sort of as a way to measure my levels of being in or of the world. I know we are called to be in the world and not of the world...but sometimes those lines get very blurry to me. I didn't begin a transformational relationship with Jesus until I was 16 and I spent all the years before that being of the world. I allowed the world to shape my views and thoughts and actions. And that is a mighty huge tide to turn. I know God is big and amazing and all of that but so is the power of self and society. It has been a fierce battle sometimes for my allegiance and attention. I so badly want to give it all to God but then there are these voices and vices and they call to me. (not in an audible, I hear voices sort of way)
There are things that I long for that aren't of God...sometimes more than I long for the things that are of God. I mean I want to be wise and compassionate and patient but sometimes I want more to be right and powerful and adored. It's a struggle like none I've ever known - the struggle to constantly die to myself and live for God.
Tonight I will sit in church after partaking in the Eucharist and I will listen and watch as psalms are read and the altar is stripped in preparation for Good Friday. I will remember the accounts of what Jesus did on this night - how he took his closest friends with him to a garden and asked them to keep watch and pray for Him. How he prayed to God that there be some other way to accomplish the goal other than the brutal torture and death he was about to endure. How He came out to find his friends asleep - and how very alone that must have felt. I will sit there as the church grows darker and darker and realize that for a moment the powers of that darkness thought they might win. I will meditate upon the feelings that must have coursed through the fully divine and fully human Jesus - feelings of fear, anger, loneliness and pain. I will ask God to, once again, break my heart with the power of His love - the very love that sent Jesus to Calvary - the very love that has the power to change the world - the very love that has wrecked my life.
Living God's Way - Part 2
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Posted by Beth at 4:05 PM
Labels: Authentic Life, Life with God
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3 comments:
I like the label you have for this "Authentic Life". That seems to fit perfectly. I love how you are so honest about your feelings and desires. I think it is so easy to hide behind the label of being a christian and pretend that that makes us automatically good and that we only want good things. I often struggle with feeling like I'm a fake. But to be honest with God about our sins (even though it's hard) and seeking his forgiveness everyday is something I wish I could do better. But I think the more I get to know God, the easier it will be and the more honest I will become. Anyways, thanks for the great post. I will be pondering it as I celebrate Easter.
Here is a quote I wrote down from the Jubilee conference in 2000.
"Many people are calling our name. The challenge is: which call will you respond to? Need to tell all other voices to hush!!"
It must have been from the main session, though I didn't write down the speaker's name.
C.J. Mahaney says it a similar way, something like, "preach the gospel to yourself every day". With a similar point about are you going to listen to yourself/other voices, or are you going to take charge, and pro actively take a stand against those voices.
And as various people have said regarding Ephesians 6:10-20, we are in a war, and Satan is happy that we aren't even aware of it - much easier for him to win if we aren't even defending, much less attacking him.
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