The JOY of new life!!!

I am so happy tonight. I feel relieved and at peace and content. My dear friends Lisa and Ron welcomed their twins today. A little boy and a little girl came into the world this morning to two amazing parents. Ron and Lisa's first child was stillborn just over two years ago...making the birth of these babies the fulfillment of many dreams that have gone unrealized for far too long.

So welcome precious littles...I love you and I'm so glad you're finally here.

Embracing the Quiet

As a professional Mama of three active and energetic kids I don't often get to experience quiet. It seems as if there is always some sort of noise in my life. Mostly I love the noise, even the crying and arguing that goes on between the kidlets. I find it comforting to embrace the noise because it keeps me grounded in the now. It is far too easy for me to become nostalgic for the past or anxious about the future; but the noise in my life wakes me up to the reality of the present.

To be frank, quiet can sometimes really intimidate me. It feels so empty and big. But I know that I need quiet...I need it for my soul to be nourished and for my spirit to mature. Maturing the spiritual side often is synonymous with hard times...we seem to grow more through difficulties. I don't get that about human beings and I wish I could find a way to real and deep growth through joyful things. But I know that the times when I have grown the most have been when I have been broken...when I have been in need of something far greater than myself or anyone else on this earth could offer me. In those moments, when I cry out to God, when my dependence is on Him alone, I always learn something about God and myself. Maybe it is about God's grace and my selfishness, or maybe His forgiveness and my stubbornness. Whatever it may be is a gift...a gift born out of the unconditional love of God for ME.

No one has ever or will ever love me like God does. I don't have to worry about measuring up...I don't have to wonder if the choices I make about how I live or parent are going to embarrass or disappoint Him...and I don't ever have to earn His love...it's just always there in a unending stream.

So in the moments where I do have quiet I need to not fill it. Filling it might make me feel better for the moment but I know that what I need is a face to face encounter with the God of the universe who made me, knows me inside and out, and loves me with a passion unmatched. I hope for quiet today for me and for you.

A wanna curl up and sleep all day kind of day...

It is raining today...and it is a chilly 50 degrees. This is the kind of day I want to curl up in my down comforter and sleep as much as possible. Think my kids would go for spending the day in bed? HA!

Instead I have to clean out a closet, clean out some shelves, and do laundry. Ah laundry, the bane of my existence on this earth. 5 people make for a lot of laundry. I can remember growing up we had a laundry chute...and my mom must have hated laundry as much as I do because that sucker used to get backed up from the basement to the second floor!!! Maybe a laundry aversion is genetic? I'll go with that.

Maybe the girls and I will bake cookies later...I love for the house to smell good and those "air fresheners" are soooo nasty smelling. Nothing smells as good as either bread baking or chocolate chip cookies. Yum!

I find myself thinking more and more about people without homes as the weather gets colder and wetter. I think I can soothe myself in thinking that the homeless can manage better in the warmer months...when in reality homelessness in July is really no better than it is in January. But I am thinking more about these issues and praying for the people who are on the front lines dealing with these issues. It is so hard to just be one person sometimes. I wish I had more of me to go around so that I could have a greater influence in so many of the things that are on my heart. It is a hard lesson to learn that we are limited in our abilities...and yet not allow that to become an excuse for inaction. It is easy to become overwhelmed and then to assume that there are others who can take care of all of the problems. But we can't pass the buck eternally.

I think that it is wise to sit down and determine how much time you have to give...and be realistic. Right now, with my kids the ages they are, I don't have as much time as I might in a few more years. But determine how much time you have and where your priorities lie and then DO SOMETHING! Have influence in your sphere of life...let your voice be heard...get your hands dirty...invest in people and organizations that are doing the work you are committed to.

And for the love of all that is good, don't just write a check. I mean financial giving is needed and we should all give of our monetary resources...but too often writing a check becomes a substitution for getting personally involved. Giving money doesn't absolve us of our responsibility to participate tangibly in making the world a better place to live. So give and give generously of your money and time...it will never be a bad investment of either. Peace.

Happy Birthday to the LOVE of my life!

My husband, Alex, turns 35 today! Happy birthday babe, I love you more now than ever and I'm looking forward to celebrating another 35 years of you!

Lucy and Big Ben

Lucy, my 4 and a half year old, is IN LOVE with Ben Roethlisberger, the QB for the Pittsburgh Steelers! She has loved Steelers football since she was a baby and she has loved Big Ben since the first time she saw him play. She has a #7 jersey that she would wear non-stop if I would let her and she calls Ben her boyfriend. Ben is just over 20 years older than Lucy, think he would wait for her? She wants to invite him to her birthday party and send him a valentine. It is a really sweet little crush she has. When she wakes up after there has been a nighttime Steelers game she always asks how Ben did and if they lost she wants to know if he felt sad.

Last year when the Steelers made their incredible run to win the Super Bowl we took the kids to both the Pep Rally before the big show and the Victory Parade a few days later. For the parade we were in downtown Pittsburgh with 250,000 of the Steelers faithful thanking our team for the amazing season they had topped off with a world championship. It was amazing...people of all races, creeds, ethnicities, political parties, sexual orientations and on and on gathered with a common goal...celebrating a football team and the Lombardi trophy. It may sound silly to some but I felt such a sense of community with everyone there. It was a powerful things to be united with that many people all pursuing the same goal. Nothing was going to stop us from doing what we came to do.

I have gone back to that feeling so many times when I think about the state of the Christian church in America. We are so splintered and broken. Rather than allowing our commonalities to bring us together we choose to let our differences separate us. It is really sad because we are so much weaker when divided. I know that some will disagree with me...and I'm okay with that. I'm not talking about watering down the message of Jesus or fundamentally changing the theology of the Church (universal)...please hear that. But I am talking about majoring in the major things rather than the minor ones. I'm tired of the conservative church throwing up issues as smokescreens so they don't have to get along with their less conservatives brothers and sisters. I'm tired of the liberal church doing things for shock value to avoid getting along with their less liberal Christian family.

In families we have to have the hard conversations and in the family of God we are often afraid to have those hard discussions. So we agree to disagree and try to move forward, but really we are stuck in the same place where people have been stuck for generations. We don't really like one another and the lip service we give to "loving all God's people" is a load of crap.

While at the Victory Parade I wondered what it would be like to be with a quarter of a million people all cheering for Jesus, thanking Jesus for what he has done, and feeling unified by our love for God. I wondered what it would be like if we could all take down our defenses and set aside our differences and remember that Jesus loves us ALL and He died and rose again for us ALL. If we could, even for a moment, lay aside all of our differences and focus on worshipping God and serving him together it is hard to imagine all we could accomplish.

I have a 6 year old!!!

My sweet Annie turns 6 today...well she did at 1:18 am this morning. I always want to go in and wake her up just to remind her that at that very moment she changed my world in ways I still don't fully understand. What a ride it was. I went into labor at 4 am on the 8th when my water broke. It was a shock because I wasn't due to have her until the 21st of October and I didn't anticipate her being early. I had no bag packed, no labor music selected etc. Thankfully the crib was up, the carseat was installed and I had an outfit for her to come home in!

Off we went to the Hospital where we were admitted around 6 am fully anticipating a baby that day. It was very bittersweet for me because I really didn't want Annie to be born on the day my dear friend, Chuck, had died. Though in some ways I thought it was God's gift to me to make that very hard day more bearable but at the time (just 3 years after his death) I couldn't imagine those 2 things being remembered/celebrated on the same day. Little did I know Annie wouldn't come on the 8th at all!

We settled in and got comfy. Labor progressed very slowly and family trickled in and out. I watched the Steelers play (and I think they won, unlike last night) and slept a little. It wasn't until about 10 pm that I got really uncomfortable and wanted it to be over. I was finally able to push at 12:15 am on the 9th and 40 minutes later Annie Patricia was born weighing in at 8 pounds and 7 ounces and measuring 21 and a quarter inches. She was the most perfect thing I had ever seen...all pink and squishy. My pregnancy with her had not been easy by any stretch and I was so glad she was finally here safe and sound. Thank you God.

Today, Annie is a lively, funny girl who loves people and life. She is determined, bright, quirky, and loving. She stills calls me Mama, never wanting to move on to Mommy, which is FINE with me! She is in first grade and reading like a pro...and if given the chance she will talk your ear off about many topics under the sun.

Happy birthday sweet Annie, you are loved by your Mama, your Daddy, and by the God who created you. May you always know the warmth of HIS love as you walk through life. Thanks for teaching me about motherhood and for being patient with me when I wasn't sure of just what to do with you in those early days.

Missing Chuck

Nine years ago today, a dear friend of mine died suddenly of a heart attack. I will never be able to forget the moment I was told about it. I remember what I was wearing, the sights and sounds and smells. I remember the exact words that another friend used to tell me that Chuck was dead. And I still remember the devastation I felt, and sometimes still feel about losing someone so special in my life.

Chuck wore many hats in my life. At first he was the father of one of my best friends in high school. He was also one of my youth group leaders and became a spiritual mentor for me. Then when my parents divorced (when I was 19) he took on the role of a father figure for me. He gave advice and listened to problems; he prayed for and encouraged me to follow where God was leading; he loved me unconditionally and pushed me to do things I didn't think I could do. He believed in me and in what God was doing in my life, what a gift!

When he died I felt lost...and to be honest today, even 9 years later, there are times when I still feel that way. I had never known pain like that before and it laid me out. Nothing I did could numb it or erase it. And it wasn't pain just for me and the loss I felt but for his wife ML and his kids Robyn, Matt, and Katy...all of whom I love so much. This pain felt unending, like a black hole. I didn't know how to move forward.

In some ways life stopped that day but in many other ways it has moved on. I don't know how - but it did. Robyn has 2 more kids, Matt and Katy both got married and each have a child...I'm married with 3 kids. I remember sitting with ML on her back deck one night and telling her that all the joys in my life since Chuck died were a little bittersweet. I mean I wanted him to officiate at my wedding and baptize my children, and those things couldn't happen. I still wonder what God was thinking when he took Chuck so early and suddenly...I still wish he was here...I still miss him all the time.

So today I'm thinking of ML, Robyn & Craig & Prescott & Caleb & Megan & Isaiah, Matt & Lib & Charlie Joe, Katy & Jayson & Negley Anne. I'm sending you love and wishing you peace.

And today I'm thinking about Matt, Jayson and Jono...the original Thursday night crew. These three wonderful men helped me heal in the days, weeks and months immediately following Chuck's death. They became family to me and walked with me through some mighty dark days - all while grieving themselves. Thanks guys...you're amazing.

Finally, today I'm thinking of Chuck, trying to be thankful for his life rather than angry that he is gone. I'm trying to remember all of the things he taught me to do and to be. I still have a card that Chuck sent me and it says "Beth, you are the best. Sometimes the best have to be patient. God will be on time. Love, Chuck". God will be on time. Simple wisdom, but enduring and powerful. Thanks Chuck...love ya.

The other man in my life...

This is my little man, Jack. He is 2 1/2 years old and he is one of the sweetest and most wonderful children I have ever known. My daughters are also wonderful, don't get me wrong, but Jack has a way about him that just draws you into his world and makes you want to stay forever.

Yesterday Alex and I took Jack for a speech evaluation. We went to the Children's Institute, a cutting edge center for children about 10 minutes from our home. Recently I have grown concerned with how difficult it can be to understand Jack. He has a huge vocabulary but it is often hard to decipher what he is saying. And while Alex and I (and his sisters) can usually interpret for him, others usually cannot. So, believing that knowledge = power, I made the appointment.

The speech therapist we met with was a wonderful woman named Emily. She spent close to 90 minutes with us, asking questions, listening, and evaluating Jack. In the end she concluded that Jack is very bright and has uber developed observation skills. Although he is young and a proficient talker, she felt he would benefit from a 12 week course of speech therapy. He will go once a week for 30 minutes a session and more than likely that will be all he needs to be more easily understood by all of us who love and adore him!

Giving a SHOUT out!

Chris Tomlin's latest effort "See the Morning" is fantastic. I love it song for song and I highly recommend it. It is solid both musically and lyrically...and, as usual, Chris' voice is like butter! It is available on iTunes and almost everywhere CD's are sold.

Off with the masks!

I wonder so often why we think we have to have it all together. In my opinion this premise leads to a world filled with fakers, people who wear masks in order to hide - out of fear that their authentic selves would not, in fact could not, be loved and accepted. How sad is that?

I have had the honor of working with students grades 6-12 since the fall of 1989 and in that time the pressure to perform, to be "together" has increased dramatically. It has led to generations of children on medications for depression, ADD, ADHD, and anxiety disorders. Young people today operate under so many false assumptions that I never even worried about. How have we adults let that happen? Is our drive to be successful and "together" so strong that we push our kids to be mini-adults before they are even remotely ready.

I see kids with hours of homework in elementary school. What is that all about? What happened to recess and eating paste and games of red rover? I see kids with 4 and 5 after school activities per week...so that everyday they are booked solid until dinnertime. The high school students in our school district get picked up for school at 6:30 in the morning!!! So if they want to shower and dress and eat breakfast they have to be up at 5:30. That is all kinds of CRAZY.

Maybe adults rationalize it by saying we are preparing them for the world. Well I say YUCK to that. Who wants that world? Who wants a world in which they are perpetually exhausted, cannot concentrate, and feel pushed to the maximum all of the time? We aren't preparing them for anything good, and we need to stop fooling ourselves.

In our family we have made a conscious choice to step OUT of the rat race. We won't overprogram our kids. They can choose 1 activity per season. We won't kill ourselves for a paycheck, it isn't worth it to us. We value family time and we value simplicity. To be honest, I would like to get rid of half of our stuff...and maybe I will begin working on that. Family is of utmost importance to us...and that goes far beyond blood relations.

Sometimes living off the grid sounds mighty appealing. Maybe today we can all take off our masks for a moment and see the sunshine and smell the fresh air. Maybe together we can breathe a little easier and realize that having it all together isn't as great as it seems. Wish me luck and I'll do the same for you. Peace.

Ewwwwww!

Today is one of those days.

Just after I went to bed last night the house erupted in a chorus of...puking. Ewwww. In my close to 6 years of being a mama, nothing has freaked me out more than puke. Not little baby puke, that is harmless. But stomach virus puke? I really can't take it. Usually my husband is ready to jump into action and save me from the clean-up duty but last night he was puking too. Ugh!

So I spent the night awake tending to puking children...I figured my husband could take care of himself. Only 2 out of the 3 kids have gotten sick so far...I'm keeping all my appendages crossed that the third escapes it...and that I do too.